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PSYART  August 2000, Week 2

PSYART August 2000, Week 2

Subject:

Checkens again

From:

Norman Holland <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Fri, 11 Aug 2000 16:33:54 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (125 lines)

QUESTION: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

THE ANSWERS:

JERRY FALWELL:
  Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
  you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
  The chicken was going to the "other side."  That's
  what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my
  friends, that chicken is gay.  And, if you eat that
  chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
  chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
  liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
  phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not
  be free to cross the road It's as plain and simple as
  that.

KEN STARR:
  I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at
  the behest of the president of the United States of
  America in an effort to distract law enforcement
  officials and the American public from the criminal
  wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying
  to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another
  pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to
  obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law.  For
  that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken
  unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully
  with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will
  not be permitted to reach the other side of the road
  until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up
  investigations have been completed. (We also are
  investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked
  information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the
  chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any
  useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at
  least to ruffle his (feathers.)

PAT BUCHANAN:
  To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS:
  Did the chicken cross the road?
  Did he cross it with a toad?
  Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
  but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
  To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
  I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
  cross roads without having their motives called into
  question.

GRANDPA:
  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
  road.  Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
  road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:
  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
  It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
  quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN:
  What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
  You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
  more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI:
  The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
  cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies
  whatever motive there was.

FREUD:
  The fact that you are at all concerned that the
  chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
  sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
  I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only
  cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
  documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet
  Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN:
  Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
  move beneath the chicken?

IMMANUEL KANT:
  The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross
  the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads
  throughout history.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
  The road, you will see, represents the black man  The
  chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
  him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
  And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
  the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the
  chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
  I missed one?

LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT:
  Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

RICHARD M. NIXON:
  The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
  chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any
  chickens.  I have never known any chickens.

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April 2002, Week 1
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September 2001, Week 1
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August 2001, Week 3
August 2001, Week 2
August 2001, Week 1
July 2001, Week 4
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July 2001, Week 2
July 2001, Week 1
June 2001, Week 5
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June 2001, Week 3
June 2001, Week 2
June 2001, Week 1
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July 2000, Week 5
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June 2000, Week 1
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May 2000, Week 1
April 2000, Week 5
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April 2000, Week 3
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December 1998, Week 5
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December 1997, Week 5
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