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PSYART Home

PSYART  September 2001, Week 4

PSYART September 2001, Week 4

Subject:

Sept. 11th

From:

Norman Holland <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Fri, 21 Sep 2001 10:47:38 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (69 lines)

Dear Psyarters,
    As an active member of the psyart group, a life long New Yorker (despite
periodic stints elsewhere) and as someone who came later than most to the
practice of psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, I have been unusually silent
during the last ten days since the terrorist attack on my city.
    Among the reasons of which I am aware are the fact that my daughter was in
Greece and couldn't get home, that someone very close to me was in the hospital
undergoing tests, that I was very busy taking care of others or trying to do
so.  My daughter is now just back, my friend is now home from the hospital, my
work is now back to some sort of routine.  After the sadness and anger and
mobilization of last week, only now am I feeling my fear for all of us. The act
of terrorism has worked.  I can function in every way as if this did not happen,
but there is a new fear in me and in everyone else I meet both professionally
and personally. I will learn to respect it but not to honor it too closely.
    Let me share with you my experience on Sept. 11th. I was returning from
having voted in the primary in order to meet my first patient at 9:15 when the
superintendant of my apartment buildiing came out into the lobby and told me
that a plane had just hit one of the towers at the World Trade Center.  The
concierge concurred. I said, "Sal, that is nothing to joke about." In response
he assured me that he was serious, and I proceeded to go to my apartment and
turn on the tv.  It was indeed true and I then watched the plane hit the second
tower.  When my patient arrived, I told her. We began to cry together, and I
asked her if anyone in her immediate circle could be in danger.  She said yes,
and I offered her my phone to call anyone she thought might know.  She was able
to raise no one and after some time of quiet connection between us, she left.
The person she was worried about, I later learned, is alive. He was on the 86th
floor, was found wounded and cowering in what was left of Borders Books on the
street floor, and was led out crawling by a firefighter.  My next patient
arrived, and we turned on the radio only to hear an account of the Pentagon
disaster. We went through the experience of it together while I thought about my
own Brooklyn based children and where they were.  They are fine.
    That afternoon and evening, I spent at the American Red Cross headquarters
waiting for an assignment to help. I volunteered to work overnight the first
night because I felt that my own patients might need me beyond that night in a
way I could not predict.  Twelve shelters were created in schools in lower
Manhattan, and I went in a school bus with other therapistsf, disaster relief
workers, ham radio operators, and nurses.  Each school had more workers than
those in need of shelter that night.  We comforted one another, and in the
morning I went home.  I did that work to make myself feel better, but I did not
feel better.  In addition to the fact that few in need of shelter came to those
shelters, it became apparent very quickly that my kind of help would be needed
later and unpredictably along the way.  My experience in going to the Armory
later in the week was the same; more helpers were there than were needed.  My
tears flowed as I watched the hordes of people coming to look at the scanned
photographs of others' lost loved ones that had been posted on the walls of the
Armory building. I still did not feel better.
    Now I have had some time to reflect, and I do feel a little better.  I have
come to see that our common humanity is great, and I am watching it at work here
in New York.  I will join one of the groups that has been mobilized through my
training institute and help with the long-term effects of this trauma as long as
I can, but I will mostly be comforted by the humanity of those whose lives I
have touched since this happened -- those who have given a nodding and
connecting glance, shared a candle during a lighting ceremony, made room for or
helped one another on a bus or on the street, made eye ocntact in the street,
talked to each other about anything and nothing. It has all helped.
    One last anecdote: I took a taxi to the Armory when I went to work there.
The cab driver was from the Ivory Coast.  We chatted, and I told him that my
experience with African people had revealed to me their great capacity for joy.
He laughed and said he hoped they could maintain it. He had come here with his
family for safety but feared for them now.  As I prepared to leave his cab, he
noted my American Red Cross Mental Health Volunteer badge and said, "Who' is
paying for this taxi ride?" I told him that I was, and he said, "Let me take
it." I said, "No, I would not hear of it. Do with the proceeds what you will,
but I will pay." He laughed and wished me well as I left.  That is only one
story coming out of this beautiful and much loved city.
    Listening to people's stories about this experience has helped me get
through as has the expressed concern of everyone I know here and abroad.
    I wish you all the best during our recovery.
    Saundra M. Segan

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