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PSYART  December 1998, Week 3

PSYART December 1998, Week 3

Subject:

UK Student papers

From:

Norman Holland <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Tue, 15 Dec 1998 15:10:51 -0500

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (165 lines)

For those of us in the U.S. grading papers and groaning at the current
state of U.S. students, here is cheer in the form of selections from
U.K. student papers.

                        --Best, Norm

=================================================

YOUNG ENGLISH MINDS AT THEIR BEST .....

This is a compilation of actual UK student exam answers....

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by
Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have
to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
of  the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple
tree.  One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
President Clinton would have liked to live in those days.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man
with the same name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
wedlock.  After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
biscuits, and threw the Java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls
people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought
he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by
playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard
Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged
twice for the same offence.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest
writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses
and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted "hurrah."

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his
birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his
plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and terectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author
was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he
wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was
a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John
Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War
and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13
states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of
Independence.  Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats
backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure domestic hostility. Under the titution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing
the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors
in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth,
a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the
trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practised on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very
large.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He  was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
for
this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
Empire's in the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for
63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was
the final event which ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network
of
rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which
did the work of a hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the
Arch-Duck by an analist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human
history.

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March 2002, Week 5
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March 2002, Week 1
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October 2001, Week 1
September 2001, Week 5
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September 2001, Week 2
September 2001, Week 1
August 2001, Week 5
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August 2001, Week 3
August 2001, Week 2
August 2001, Week 1
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July 2001, Week 1
June 2001, Week 5
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December 1998, Week 5
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December 1997, Week 5
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June 1997, Week 4

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