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PSYART  January 1999, Week 5

PSYART January 1999, Week 5

Subject:

More weekend humor

From:

Norman Holland <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Institute for Psychological Study of the Arts <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sat, 30 Jan 1999 11:36:41 -0500

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (125 lines)

Courtesy of Florida ACLU and Larry Spaulding
                        --Best, Norm

                        ----

"LAYMEN'S COMPUTER TERMS

BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our
son's computer cost quite a bit."

BOOT: What your friends give you because you
spend too much time bragging about your computer
skills.

BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny
green computer screen for more than 15 minutes.
Also: what computer magazine companies do to
you after they get your name on their mailing list.

CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer
users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards
for meals.

COPY: What you have to do during school tests
because you spend too much time at the computer
and not enough time studying.

CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get
your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"

DISK: What goes out in your back after bending
over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.

DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up
soon after you install your computer.

ERROR: What you made the first time you walked
into a computer showroom to "just look."

EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to
build on to your home to house your computer and
all its peripherals.

FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails
six and a half hours a day, now that the computer
does her day's work in 30 minutes.

FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer
user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a
steady diet of junk food (see Chips").

HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes
and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger
on since getting your computer.

IBM: The kind of missile your family members and
friends would like to drop on your computer so
you'll pay attention to them again.

MENU: What you'll never see again after buying
a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a
restaurant.

MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated
with computers, this word actually refers to those
obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall
pass at school.

PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on
your television before you hooked your computer
up to it.

RETURN: What lots of people do with their
computers after only a week and a half.

TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses,
trains and really good deals on hot computers.

WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of
after you accidentally erase a program that took
you three days to set up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COMPUTER TERM DICTIONARY

586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art
computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's
three times faster than the computer I bought for the
same price a microsecond ago."

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and
saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is
no object."

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer
salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer
becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer
errors easier to generate.

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a
computer.

Portable Computer: A device invented to force
businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on
business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical
deadline.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your
software.

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February 2002, Week 1
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January 2002, Week 1
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September 2001, Week 1
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