We've all seen the "missive" from England rescinding our declaration of
independence. Well the following is now making its rounds.

From: Gen Robert E. Lee
Commander in Chief
Army of the Confederacy

To: President William J. Clinton
The White House
November 26th, 2000

Mr. President:

In light of the recent actions by your Vice President, Mr. Al Gore, I
hereby retract my concession of the Civil War and subsequent surrender to
Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant on April 9th, eighteen hundred and sixty five. It
appears that the overwhelming presence of blue unit markers on my battle map
proved exceptionally confusing, leading me to the false assumption that we
were actually outnumbered by Union forces.

Moreover, the arrows used to indicate location and heading of your
troops left my subordinates, most notably a colonel from Florida, with the
mistaken belief that we were surrounded. In addition, body count numbers
provided to me have been deemed suspect. Some bodies having only one arm or
leg were arbitrarily under-counted. This was in direct contradiction to the
uniformly accepted "one head, one body" standard generally accept as the
norm by military historians. I believe that dangling limbs were overlooked
and should be considered in a final reckoning.

Given these gross violations of my civil rights and upon the grounds
first defined by Al Gore, I hereby request the following:

1. A "Do Over" of the following battles: Elkin's Ferry, Vicksburg,
Gettysburg, Ft. Sumter, Shiloh, Manassas Gap, Antietam, Chickamauga and, of
course, Appomattox.

2. A manual recount of the casualties at four battles where overwhelming
victories of our Confederate forces were recorded. We can provide a
Confederate assessment team to confidentially manage the recount process.

3. A return of that damned sword

If my demands are not met immediately I'll see your damn-Yankee xxx in

Bobby E. Lee

Peter A. Kurilecz CRM, CA
Manager, Records Management Group
Woodside Summit Group Inc
Midlothian, Virginia
Office: 804-744-1247 x23
Fax: 804-744-4947
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