A colleague of mine sent this.  Seemed appropriate to the times.



Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a
world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves," "Vertically Challenged" they
were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds
by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use
just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed
dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on
their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His
fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing
over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in
over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd
enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on
her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice
could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or
just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's war-like or

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to
embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better
off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only
good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports
exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot
your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure
out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was
to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without
angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, its price beyond worth... "May you and your loved
ones enjoy peace on earth."

(c) Harvey Ehrlich, 1992