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The Interview from Hell

       One day while walking downtown, a historian was hit by a bus and was
tragically killed.  Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the
Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
       "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.  "Before you get settled in
though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never
once had a historian make it this far and we're not really sure what to do
with you."
       "No problem, just let me in" said the woman.
       "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose
where you want to spend eternity" the Saint replied.
       "Actually, I think I've made up my mind.....I prefer to stay in
Heaven".
       "Sorry, we have rules....."  And with that St. Peter put the scholar
in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell.  The doors opened and
the historian found herself stepping out into a beautiful seminar room.
Down the hall was a lavishly appointed lounge, complete with a small but
useful reference library.  Standing in front of her were all her former
colleagues, a veritable Who's Who of the historian world, all cheering for
her.  They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
times. They had marvelous historical discussions trashing post-modernism,
and then retired to the faculty club for an excellent steak and lobster
dinner.  She met the Devil, who was actually a really nice guy.  And
although he was a theorist, he showed a real interest in her work.  They
talked and joked into the wee hours of the morning.
       The historian was having such a good time that before she knew it,
it was time to leave.  Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she
got on the elevator.  The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the
Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for her.
       "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven" he said. So the historian
spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp
and singing.  She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours
were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in Hell and
you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity" he said.
The historian paused for a second and then replied, "well, I never thought
I'd say this.  I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I
had a better time in Hell."
       So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the scholar went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and
filth.  She saw that her colleagues were dressed in rags and were picking
up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. They barely paused
in their work long enough to grumble and tell her that they thought her
research was second rate.  The Devil came up to her and put his arm around
her and laughed at her.  "I don't understand," stammered the historian,
"yesterday I was here and there was a library and a faculty club and we ate
lobster and we talked about my research and had a great time.  Now all
there is a wasteland of garbage and all my colleagues look miserable and
hate me."
       The Devil looked at her and grinned, "that's because yesterday we
were interviewing you, but today you're faculty."